I hate fall.
There, I said it. I feel like my “basic” status is about to be revoked. But, it’s true. I just can’t even pretend anymore. So, I won’t.
Come to my house and you won’t find any, “It’s Fall, Y’all” décor. There’s no pumpkin spice anything. No, thank you. Not here. But, why… WHY?!? does everyone ask, “don’t you just love the dead leaves and cold air?” like these are appealing? Nah.
Well, here are the top five reasons I hate fall. (Yep, these are just my top five, which does indeed mean that I have more reasons that I am not sharing.)
I HATE pumpkin spice
Like, so much. It’s so gross. I just can’t. I don’t want pumpkin spice in a pie, a latte, a candle, or a yogurt. I certainly don’t want it in hummus, trash bags, cleaning products, chapstick, or dog bones. I don’t want to smell it, eat it, drink it, or think about it. I definitely don’t want to hear you talk incessantly about it.
No, thank you. Hard pass.
Frankly, I just don’t like, extra stuff. My family has enough stuff laying around, why have more? We don’t need special seasonal stuff. It just sits there and collects dust. Or, worse, becomes a toy. Or worse yet, gets broken. Or even worse than that, just sits there, doing nothing, taking away real estate from my other stuff that I probably, also, don’t need.
Plus, you have to store all of those decorations somewhere when it’s not fall. And then you have to lug them all out each year and then pack them all back up again at the end of the season. Every year. Just in time to do it all over again for the Christmas decorations.
Why? Can a girl get a decorating break, please?
It’s cold in the morning and warm in the afternoon
This is just confusing. And, frankly, unfair. Unfair for my sinuses. Unfair for my hair. Unfair for me when I’m setting out my children’s clothes the night before and my weather app says, “high of 65/ low of 32”. Unfair to my kids who I bundle in the morning and then they sweat through their cold weather outfits and come out of school with t-shirts on and no jackets… So I have no jackets to send them to school in the next day when it is back to 32 degrees. I hate fall.
TBH, I feel personally victimized by the inconsistency of fall weather. It’s as if fall is suffering an identity crisis and I’m not at all wanting to be stuck in the middle of it.
“Comfy fall sweaters” make big-chested ladies look bulky
Why can’t we enjoy some cute fall fashion? Oh, right… big boobs= boxy in sweaters. Same with cute plaid scarfs. Us big-chested ladies definitely draw the short end of the stick when it comes to fall fashion. Poncho? Pass. Cable knit? Turtleneck? Hard pass.
I just don’t want to do all the things
I don’t want to go pumpkin picking or on a hayride. I definitely don’t want to pet smelly farm animals or get lost in a corn maze. I don’t want to paint or carve pumpkins. I don’t want to roast pumpkin seeds.
I don’t want to take cheesy photos in front of the changing fall foliage. I don’t want to go to your Halloween party or dress up in a costume (I will not be dressing as anything other than a tired mother, so please don’t ask).
And I definitely DO NOT want to do any of it while wearing a “comfy fall sweater” and sipping a pumpkin spice latte.
I’m going to pass, thanks. I hate fall.
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