It’s the word that brings fear to most expectant mothers. I know I certainly let out a few four letter words when I found out I was having them. There is a weird stigma around having multiple kids – mothers look at you like an oddity or in awe – it’s hard to tell. My boys are 19 months now, and honestly it’s just getting easier and easier – believe it or not. I say that and I have probably jinx myself. Maybe it’s just because now they are now interactive and are sponges – learning and surprising me every day with something new.
Word to the wise – there are a few things that twin mothers DO NOT like to hear or talk about and I am going to share them with you. Trust me – you never know when you might need this information and some of it can work for any mother – singleton or multiples.
You look big/small for having twins.
Great – thanks for your opinion on what you think I should look like. I think you are too big or too small for what I think you should look like -so there! Don’t forget – HORMONES. Women can have tons of medical problems when they are pregnant and the risks increase with the more babies you are having. Be considerate – if you have to say something – tell them they look great – and leave it at that.
Do twins run in your family?
Meaning – Did I have fertility? That’s the question I got a lot and it made me really upset. I don’t ask you what happens in your bedroom or your medical issues – why would you ask mine? Strangers at the store asked me that question. The simple answer is: They do now. Pregnancy – especially for people that have problems getting pregnant – can be a sensitive topic and you need to be aware of that.
After the kids are born – there are new questions and comments. The one that gets me every time is . . . . wait for it . . .
You look great for having twins.
It sounds like a backhanded compliment to me. My initial response is – so if I only had one baby you’d think I look like crap? Again, I know the comment is coming from a bad place and I have learned to just say “Thank you”. Listen – my kids were a total of 12 pounds 13 ounces – that’s a lot of baby and I gained 45 pounds – so in the past I have been a bit sensitive to comments about how I look.
My advice to everyone is just think before you say things to other mothers that might hurt their feelings – someone said to me once at a play group – “Your kids are small” and I thought and your nose is big. Again – I got defensive because as a mother we just want to protect our kids. But my kids are small compared to whom? All children are different including my two boys. They couldn’t be more different and it’s all of their differences that make them individuals.
Be kind to one another.
There is a FB multiples group? Can you send me the info? Please feel free to email me at: [email protected] – maybe we can get the kids together!
Mom of 14 month old twins over here, and YES YES YES. I can’t believe how frequently I field questions that sneak-attack at the issue of fertility treatments. I have even been asked if they are “real”…*boggle*. (I was also asked once, after confirming that yes, they are twins, if they are the same age…) Thanks for the post.
Having 17 month old twin boys myself, I TOTALLY agree that life with twins is a bit different than most and harder for many people to understand. So some of the strange questions I get, I know come from a place of curiosity and awe, not from an intended attack or putdown. Yes, I have heard some crazy things–one minute, “you can’t tell them apart!!” to, “are they twins? they don’t even look alike!”. Ive learned to just let them roll off my back, smile, and know that (for the most part) they mean well. 🙂
And for every strange comment or question I get, I usually get at least one positive comment, or “aren’t you lucky” from someone else 🙂
Oh, and tell me– WHEN do things get easier?? 😉
When people say I am lucky – I laugh! I am lucky but at the same time – they have no understanding of what life is like. Easier meaning – they actually sleep at night – they are fun to be around – well – most of the time. 🙂
Do you live around here? We should have a twin gathering!
Hi yes! I am on the Essex/Westford border- not too far from you. ( Sorry, just now saw this reply!) would love to have a twin gathering! Are you on the VT multiples Facebook group?
People make a lot of comments to pregnant / new moms that seem insensitive! For the record, I’m always interested to know if twins run in people’s family – because they do run in mine – so people may not always be asking about fertility 🙂
Good to know! BUT – most of the time – that’s not the case – because then they will actually ask if we used fertility. Crazy.
It’s pretty crazy what questions people think are “ok”!