Our Multi-Generational Household

It took me a long time to be able to find a way to convey the bright side of living in a multi-generational household.

It felt shame worthy. Why are my husband and I, who both have great jobs, relegated to living in the same household as my parents? Why can’t we have the house of our dreams in the town we love? I finally realized that it’s more of a choice at this point than a necessity. I chose to stop looking at the financial side of it and look at everything else that it afforded us and how it has benefited our family.

We didn’t always live with my parents. Right after we got married, we moved into a small place and that’s when our daughter was born. My stepson and my daughter each had their own room and it was a nice place to come home to. After living there for 3 years, we decided we really wanted to buy a house and knew that it would be really tough to rent and save. We talked to my parents and (probably against their better judgment) they agreed to let us move in.

It isn’t a traditional living with your parents layout in that we have our own apartment, of sorts. Their house already had a mother-in-law apartment and they spent a lot of time and money to turn it into a nice place. We have our own kitchen, dining room, living room, bedrooms, bathroom, even laundry room and, most important for me, CRAFT ROOM!

What is best about this living situation is that my kids get to see my parents most days and vice versa. Well, and we have built-in babysitters! Imagine that you’re dying to clean your house. (Right? I totally love to clean my house. Sarcasm font. We have someone that comes and cleans for us because I love it that much….) So that was a bad example; imagine that you’re really wanting to do something else, anything, and the kids are just having one of those days where they will not give you a moment of peace. In our house, I can call up the stairs and ask if it’s okay for them to go up for a bit. Usually, the answer is yes. Then I can do whatever I want to do without being interrupted and my parents get grandchild time! Then, when they’ve had enough or I’m done, whichever comes first, they come back down. If the hubby and I have a date night and will be home after bedtime, then it’s easy for my parents to just follow the normal bedtime routine and stick them in their own beds.

My parents get to hear all of the fun, smart, adorable things the kids did real time.

Whether they want to or not. They get all the grandchild cuddles they could want. Except when the kids scream when they see them. That happens sometimes too. I think they take the presence of their grandparents for granted because it’s all they’ve ever known. To them, this is normal.

Now, there are downsides. It’s hard to be in a tenant-landlord relationship with family. Our living space layouts are such that if their dog is really active at night, it wakes up our 2 year old. On the flip side, when the kids are throwing any of a number of tantrums at 6 AM on a weekday, my retired father who is sleeping above us is awoken. Who doesn’t want to be woken up by a screaming 2 year old grandchild?! (Could also be the 6 year old depending on the day!) Well I can tell you who; my dad! The kids aren’t as cute at that time.

I’ve read so many articles about how this is more and more the norm. I think there are a lot of benefits to the younger generation because they have a lot of family members that love them dearly right at their fingertips, they get to bird watch with Grampy, convince Grammy to buy them anything and everything (really, she does), and drive Mommy and Daddy up the wall all in the same house!

They also have any number of people that can help them when they’re having a problem.

The drawbacks can seem like a lot sometimes. They can even appear to outweigh the benefits. In the end, though, the kids love their two level living. They love to just sit and hang out with Grammy and Grampy instead of having every visit be about a purpose. And Mommy and Daddy love that sometimes they just get a break. Plus, there are people who understand whatever difficulty you’re having because they see it every day just like you. We won’t always live like this, but I know each and every one of us will miss it when it ends.

Have you ever considered what it would be like to live in a multi-generational household?  Would it be with your parents or your significant others’, or someone else entirely?