This past week I suffered a miscarriage. I was technically 13 weeks pregnant but the baby did not make it past 6 weeks. My husband and I knew about it about 2 weeks before it happened, however, even time can’t prepare you for the physical and emotional hurt you experience with such a loss. As if that wasn’t enough to process we now had to figure out what to tell our 5 year old son.
Aden has turned into a very tender kid. Sure he’s rambunctious and crazy sometimes but we are the ones who see this tenderness regularly. And he was convinced and excited to meet baby sister who was in Mommy’s belly.
To say he was heartbroken is an understatement but what came next really put us through the paces. After the tears subsided and he had some control of his voice again he proceeded to ask us some very difficult questions.
- What happened to the baby?
- Where is the baby now?
- Will I ever get to see the baby?
- Why can’t the baby come back?
- How is that fair?
- Who did this to you?
- What are we going to do now?
Those are some very.hard.questions and “I don’t know” just isn’t going to cut it! Those are hard enough to discuss with an adult, how do you explain hard answers like that to a 5 year old?
I’m asking you this because one day you will have to explain death or sickness or loss to your children. It may not be until your kids are teenagers and have a better grasp of the world or it may be during the little phase of life. Regardless of when that is my question to you is, what are you going to say? How are you going to answer? Do you have answers to those questions? This is important stuff mamas!
I’m not going to tell you that one answer is better than another or one answer is right and another is wrong. That’s not what this is about. But when Aden looked at me through tear rimmed eyes and asked me those things it was because he trusted me and needed me to answer him with assurance. We are Christians and so we answered him through that lens. However, regardless of what belief system you subscribe to (and we all subscribe to something even if it’s nothing) we need to be prepared as parents to answer the questions we fear the most. We cannot put a blanket over our heads and hope the topic just doesn’t come up, to do so would be irresponsible and careless.
I hope this isn’t coming across as morbid, it’s not meant to be. Death is certainly not something I like to think about but it is very much a part of life. Search your hearts mamas, and give it some thought so that when the time comes you’ll be prepared. That’s all I have to say, now let’s get on with life.
Have any of you had to have hard conversations with your children? How did it go?