BurlingtonVT Moms Blog is partnering with Vermont Midwives Association to bring you our latest series titled “How I Became a Mother” in honor of Mother’s Day. Each of us has a unique journey on how we got here…here being in this crazy thing called motherhood. Some of us have grown our families through adoption, some through donor sperm. Some of us have struggled with infertility while others of us have needed to rely on faith and science. Bringing a child into this world is no less than miraculous regardless of how it’s done. These next two weeks we want to share with you the stories of how we became mothers, to let you know that no two families are born the same. Join us on this journey as we celebrate Moms!
The words “Just believe” were inscribed on a small key chain that my husband gave me moments after we found out that one of our several rounds of IVF was not successful. As I gripped the keychain in my hand, filled with raw emotion, disappointment and sadness it was very difficult to “just believe”. It turns out that as difficult as it was, in my journey to become a mom, I had to do a lot of believing and had to have faith that things would work out the way they were supposed to.
The beginning of my story is typical, I met my husband, we fell in love, got married and spent a couple of years living life before starting to “try” to have a baby. Most couples (84%) get pregnant after a year of trying with the absence of contraception.
After trying for a year, we were no longer typical and joined the minority of couples who had fertility problems.
That is when the roller coaster began for us as we lived through and survived four years of infertility treatments. The doctor’s visits, tests, medications, injections, mysteries, procedures, vague answers, paperwork, and the disappointments that came with several rounds of unsuccessful IVF treatments all seem like a dream that I lived through. After each unsuccessful round of IVF treatment, we were given different information that led us to hope that the next time would be different. And each time after going through the physically and emotionally draining treatment, we were given the harsh news that it did not work.
Although during these four years our energies were focused on the IVF process, adoption was always an option for us. So one day we decided to stop “trying” to get pregnant and start working on becoming parents. I think that we amazed each other in our ability to so easily and eagerly look forward and leave the past where it belonged.
The rest of the story is amazing and incredible.
We met with an adoption agency and were given all the information about the process of creating a family through adoption. Interestingly, for us it took almost exactly nine months from first meeting with the agency to the moment that I held my daughter for the first time. The process itself was stressful and exciting at the same time. There were background checks, social worker visits with the most personal questions you could imagine and the assembling and writing of our profile book. Then came the worst part of all, waiting to be selected.
I tried to be patient and not allow the process to take over my life, it helped that my husband had faith and somehow knew that things would work out perfectly. I attempted to carry on with life with the knowledge that in an instant, my life could change and I would become a mom.
We were lucky that our wait was not very long and we got THE call on a Tuesday in July. Our baby girl was waiting for us to go get her. I did not have much time to focus on the emotions that I felt as we had to leave the next day, drive eight hours to get our daughter. Although I was overjoyed and deep down knew that things would work out, I had to remain a bit guarded before fully experiencing it all as there is always a chance that the situation would not work out the way we thought it would.
Two days later, full of angst and anxiety, we were waiting in a nondescript office at an adoption agency to meet my daughter for the first time. After what seemed like hours of meeting with social workers and completing paperwork, we were asked if we were ready? The moment was upon us and somehow, magically and suddenly I was no longer nervous or anxious – I was ready! With complete confidence and without any reservation, I said I was and a social worker walked in the room and handed me the tiniest, most beautiful baby girl in the world.
I was a mom!
Nearly four years have passed and I often look at the key chain that my husband handed me while we were living through so many uncertainties. With a smile on my face and love in my heart all I needed to do is “just believe”.
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I love the line about leaving the past where it belonged- what a hard but healthy perspective. It is so great to hear about how you opened up to adoption and went forward in hopeful expectation, even after long years of disappointment. I know those feelings can be very complex, but you put it beautifully. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing your story Rey!