I think back to the days when my husband and I first met – when I would stare at his face admiringly for hours and hours. I recall wanting to spend every waking second with him and just cuddling on the couch. We had the freedom to go out dancing or to dinner and a movie any time we wanted and I think I took that for granted.
As the years have gone on (almost 6) and life has gotten more complicated and busier – we have lost touch with those days and the feelings we had. We moved into a bigger house so we could start a family and realized that wasn’t going to be as easy as we had hoped. We foraged forward through IVF and were blessed with two little boys.
All of my dreams have come true? Yes and No.
Yes – we have the most amazing family and children that I just adore and want to spend every waking second with – well – not EVERY waking second. No – I miss the simplicity of the way we as a couple used to be. The kids became our priority – as it should be – but we, as a couple, got lost. How can you have it both ways?
Resentments build up over the years, the walls go up, and we drift further apart from each other. We each snip at each other and I lose my husbands trust as I start to drift away from him. We seem like we have it all together from the outside – but honestly – we don’t.
But now we are trying. We are talking to someone about better ways to communicate with each other and listen to each other. We both want to get back to the way things used to be or at least close to it. We know the honeymoon stage is over but there is no reason we can’t live happily ever after – it’s just going to take more effort than I realized. I am far from perfect and I am sorry for any things I have said or done to hurt my husbands feelings – intentional or not. We are both willing to put the work in because we love each other and made a life commitment to each other.
If you are struggling at all with your marriage or just the new dynamic of family – just know you are not alone. You just need to be proactive and stay positive!!
Jeez, you’re right this isn’t an easy topic to cover. And I totally appreciate that you did, and with such candor. It reminds me of a pin I saw recently that said, “A marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100 percent from both partners.” It is so true. It is a ton of work, and for me and my hubbie after 10 years and two kids, it is important to keep working hard. Finding a good babysitter, and having regular date nights (where talk about the kids is off limits) is a huge help for us.
Thanks for such an honest look at relationships post baby (or babies)! I certainly identify with these issues too.
Good for you guys for doing the work and giving it all you’ve got. Marriage isn’t easy. Marriage with kids can seem impossible! We’re going on 15 years and while it hasn’t always been easy, it’s always been worth it. Keep on keeping on!
Your honesty is refreshing and appreciated. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this. We too have had a long journey of figuring things out now that the kiddos are in the mix. You really touch on exactly how we have felt. It was around the 18 month mark with Henry (our first) that things got really tough. There are so many books about having babies and what to expect but nothing about the impacts it has on your relationships. Like being honest with motherhood experience, it’s important for us as women to be honest about the post baby relationship experience. No more being quiet about what happens behind closed doors. Sharing your experiences helps others and hopefully encourages you.