My birthday was last month. My husband asked my Mom to take the boys for us and he took me across the border for a weekend away in Montreal. He booked a hotel for one night and then said “ok, what do you want to do?” What do I want to do? It had been a long time since we’d been away, together, alone and it was my choice as to what we got to do. WOW! Here is what my mind came up with.
- I want to go away (ok, check we were in a hotel room away from the kids)
- I want to be quiet
- I want to watch movies
- I want to sleep (take naps, sleep in, and sleep some more)
- I want to read a book at breakfast while chewing my food slowly.
- I want to stay up late and watch old Seinfeld episodes and other bad cable
- I want to eat good ethnic food (because Burlington is a little lacking in this department).
- I want to talk to my husband about life (what we’re in and where we’re going)
So what did we do? We did it all. Everything on my list we did. We mashed all of that into about 30 hours. We stayed in an incredible hotel, and watched redbox movies that my husband secretly packed. We slept, oh my goodness did we sleep! I took a nap after lunch, and after shopping, and again before dinner, and we DID sleep in. We stayed up late and watched bad cable, just like we used to before we had to turn the tv off early because of little ones sleeping in the next bed. And we ate the most amazing Lebanese food…twice…at 2 different Lebanese restaurants. And we ate crepes and sushi and teriyaki. So good!
And you know what else we did? THAT! Yep, THAT! You know what I’m talking about. And THAT was GOOD too.
So where am I going with all of this? Here are a couple of thoughts.
My husband crafted the weekend for me. Not for us but for me. He asked me what I wanted to do and honored that. And he went along with whatever I wanted to do for the entire time. He sacrificed his desires to satisfy mine. All of that made me feel so loved and treasured and relaxed. And all of that made me feel more amorous towards him.
Here’s what I think. I think we get into ruts and we forget to date our husbands. Sure we go on date nights but let’s be honest, how many of you are dating like you did when you first met? I’m not. Our date nights are usually dinner, maybe a movie or maybe a redbox, and maybe a walk down Church Street. But when we were dating we went to the theater, or to a concert, or sat by the water and talked until late. We watched movies with subtitiles (OMG) and went out with friends.
Now I know what you’re thinking, that was before we had kids. Yep, well that’s just an excuse! I’m preaching to myself here as much as anyone else so don’t hear me say otherwise.
From that weekend away I learned how much I missed my husband even though I see him every day and sleep with him every night. I learned how important it is to sacrifice what I may want for what my husband may want. I mean we do it all the time for our kids right? We should do it for our spouses every now and again too.
So what does he really want to do, what would he really love on your next date out? Is it to try rock climbing or kayaking? Has he been dying to try a new restaurant or go to a gallery? Or maybe you could plan a night out for him and his buddies. Or maybe a secret rendezvous? What would really speak love and respect to his heart? Ask him, see what he says and then craft your next date around that. And don’t be afraid to speak up about what you want too ladies! Tell him what you really want during your time away from the kiddos. It doesn’t happen often so you need to make every moment count.
My husband knows me well enough to know what speaks love to me. And when he does that then I in return feel more free to LOVE him back. I think the reverse works the same as well. When we sacrifice for him in this small area of date night it doesn’t go unnoticed. And hopefully it creates a beautiful cycle of sacrificial date night loving. Because let’s face it, before there were kids there was your partner. We’ve got to continue to invest in that relationship for the long haul.
Let’s generate some dating ideas…what do your hubbies like to do on dates? Or what would be your ideal date?
Love this Shannon! Sometimes it is so hard for me to figure out date night ideas and be creative. It’s easy to get stuck in the same old rut. Thanks for encouraging us to think through this!
Well, you know that our last date night was definitely a sacrifice. Haha!
I am always looking for ideas! Great post!