Parents are bombarded with books, classes, and unsolicited advice about everything related to kids. Topics often include, but aren’t limited to, prenatal health, car seat safety, choking hazards, vaccines, how and when to introduce solids, schooling, sleeping habits, and more. A LOT more. But as a first-time mom, in 2014, no one prepared me for the realities of video game addiction in children.
It’s weird that so many baby and toddler toys have screens. Tiny cell phones with animation. Light-up toilets. And then they graduate into little kid tablets. We are plugging our kids into screens as soon as they can use both hands to hold them. And I’m not blaming anyone. Parents are maxed out and the half hour of relief from “mom mom mom mom MOM MOOOOMMM” is worth anything when you need to pay a bill or cook a meal.
When I think about it in retrospect, I feel set up. To be completely honest, I didn’t think twice about video games. My video game experience consisted of Super Mario Bros. on Nintendo, Solitaire, and Tetris. Flash forward ten years and the topic of screen time and video games is brought up in my house with my eight and ten-year-old boys every single day. It’s a constant battle to monitor and limit the time my kids spend on video games, their attitude about the games, and how it’s affecting our home. Video game addiction in children is a real thing and it impacts my home.
How I knew there was a video game problem in my house
Obsessed. That’s the best word to describe how my kids feel about video games. They are at the prime age to shift from innocent games like Wii Sports and Candy Crush to Fortnite and Roblox. And that shift is a big one when you’re thinking about video game addiction. My kids are smarter, the games are smarter, and the video game companies are catching on. Unfortunately, this shift to more complex games fuels many children’s already existing video game addiction.
Many signs led me to believe that video games were a problem in my house. Some of them were obvious while others were rather shocking and disturbing.
- First, my kids simply wouldn’t shut up about video games. As soon as I opened the floodgates by introducing them to what I thought was a harmless pastime, that’s all they wanted to do in their spare time at home. The nagging led to whining which then led to many angry outbursts if they didn’t get their screen time.
- Then, their mood shifted. If they weren’t allowed to play video games, I was the bad guy and EVERYTHING was wrong in the world. It was incredible how quickly their attitudes and demeanor would shift if I said “no”. I had never seen this side of my kids before. But after watching many documentaries and learning a lot about other kinds of addictions, this made a lot of sense. If you think I’m exaggerating or if you think addiction is the wrong word, I beg to differ. The withdrawal is the hardest part and, in their eyes, everyone is to blame but themselves.
- It was clear from the beginning that video games past a certain time of the day were a terrible idea because of how gaming affected their sleep. And we all know this right? We’re told as adults to avoid screens at night and we learned very quickly it was the same for our children. If they were on their tablets too late, they would have a much harder time falling asleep and would not get the quality of sleep their growing bodies need.
- One of the more shocking signs of video game addiction was how it affected their social lives. On one hand, they were interacting with friends on a gaming platform and strategizing together, which I thought was a positive part of the video game world. They do seem drawn to the games primarily to interact with friends (remember when we were first introduced to chat rooms as kids?!)
- Video games also provide this shield where kids can say whatever they feel without having to deal with repercussions simply because there is no real face time. And kids can be mean. Kids will be so mean that they will tell other kids they won’t be friends with them anymore if they don’t play a particular game with them at a particular time… or for a specific duration of time…
- My kids cry when I tell them that their time is up and respond with “But so-and-so won’t be friends with me anymore!” That fear stuck with them for a while. This obsession and video game addiction is apparent across the board among their friend group and now it’s affecting their relationships. That one was a hard pill to swallow.
In talking with other moms, I learned that their kids had some of the same behaviors, too. Their kids were experiencing video game addiction too. Some said that their kids no longer showed interest in other things that they used to love. And non-screen activities were just completely neglected. They no longer showed interest in family activities like puzzles, board games, or going outside to play.
Some moms said their kids’ grades went down and they weren’t as engaged in school as they used to be. The video game addiction that was taking place at home was making it hard for their kids to concentrate on other topics in school.
This clearly can’t go on like this right?! Are video games the enemy? Did we mess everything up by letting video games into the house? I ask myself this often.
It’s not our fault
I have a little parenting mantra I use quite often and it is “it’s not my fault.” And in this case, it truly is not our fault.
We were at a well-child visit for my ten-year-old recently and we talked about screen time. Most pediatricians ask how much screen time your child gets daily. The recommendation for my son’s age group is under 2 hours. We told the doctor about his screen time, what video games he likes to play, and how we try to stay within that limit.
Our doctor told our son “Video games are ok in moderation and it’s normal for you to want to play them all the time. They’re designed that way. They’re designed to be addicted. The video games are made to make you want to keep playing for hours and hours.”
And because someone else said those words – my kid believed it! He was mind-blown. And our doctor was right.
There’s a lot of marketing tactics and science behind video game addiction. Video games are designed to trigger the brain’s reward system. When someone wins playing a video game, dopamine is released… and then the cycle begins. Once you get that shot of dopamine, you want to keep coming back for more.
The video game companies do this in so many tricky and manipulative ways. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a color scheme with bright lights and desirable colors that are fun to look at. You just want to keep looking at it.
In other ways, they create reward systems and rankings that make the player want to keep going and going until they reach the next level.
One of my absolute least favorite parts of the whole video game world is that most of them are “free”.
“But Mom, it’s free!” is something I’ve heard many times, and yes, they’re right. The game itself is free. But once they start playing, the game is bombarded with add-ins, skins, in-game currency, etc. and before you know it, you’re being asked to sign up for a monthly subscription that is literally useless. There is no value to it whatsoever. But try telling that to an eight and a ten-year-old?!
That element alone is a nifty little trick the video game companies are using to get kids not only to play for long periods but also, to PAY for long periods. Video game addiction is a lose-lose situation.
Why are video game companies targeting our kids?
Another key part of how video games are designed to be addictive is that there is no end. I remember it taking me months to get to the end of Super Mario World and when I got to the end, the game was just over. That doesn’t happen anymore in modern video games. There is no final victory. The games simply go on and on which leaves our kids to play indefinitely.
Kids hold a lot of power over family spending, and video game companies know that. They sense that if they can reach one kid, they will likely also get their siblings, and then the parents are paying for multiple kids’ subscriptions and add-ons.
Targeting kids and creating this video game addiction at a young age is exactly what these companies want to do. They want to create this lifelong relationship with children so that they can count on them to stick with their platform and keep playing and paying.
Not to mention, children seemingly have more free time than adults, which video game companies interpret as more free time = more time to play on their platform.
You’re not the only mom struggling with video game addiction
I spoke to another mom who has a younger son who’s starting to play video games.
“Video games are a crutch,” said Shannon, mom to a 6-year-old boy. “The games are one way for everyone to get some quiet time, parents to work, and get some things done around the house. But it can backfire quickly because our schedules are inconsistent and therefore sois his screen time usage.”
She said things get complicated when it’s time to turn the screens off. Her son would get very frustrated and upset when time was up.
Shannon can easily see how this usage can quickly create a problem as he gets older, and she’s trying to stay on top of it. “We only allow certain games and utilize the playing limits within the game.” She also mentioned that her son only plays on a tablet right now and hasn’t been introduced to the more complex units like a Playstation or a Nintendo Switch. “Keeping up with it all is just too hard!” she says. “It’s a whole other layer of parenting that we’re trying to keep up with and learn as we go.”
It’s not about taking the video games away, It’s about making a change
Do I want to remove video games from my house completely? That’s a tough question. I personally believe that we’re in a modern age and it’s inevitable for kids to be connected to digital platforms and video games. My kids enjoy them and it is something fun for them to do when they aren’t playing sports, at school, or doing other things.
I don’t think going cold turkey is the only answer to video game addiction. I believe there are other solutions.
I think our voices need to be heard as parents. We need to speak out and prove to those who are the puppeteers of video game addiction (the video game companies) that the direction they are going in is not the right one.
One of the first steps in doing that is participating in legal action against video game companies. Did you know that there is an active lawsuit against the video game companies and you can help prove the case? I just found out about this and went to the link immediately. From there, I learned that not only will my voice be heard, among many others, but if I qualify, my story can help impact the results of this lawsuit. Real-life accounts about video game addiction are what this lawsuit needs and we can all join in the fight and start making a change.
What else can we do to combat video game addiction?
After learning about the lawsuit and writing this post, it empowered me to continue to make more changes in my house. I want to create more awareness and a healthy relationship with our devices. Because let’s be real, we’re stuck with them!
- Setting limits is the obvious first step. We have a lot of tools in my house that help us keep to those limits. The best one is the setting inside the game itself which just makes the game shut down when a limit is set. It’s often the solution that yields an immediate angry response, but it’s a hard stop that the kids are usually warned (in the gaming platform) is coming.
- Secondly, making it harder to earn screen time. As my kids get older their responsibilities should also get more involved. They have a set of chores that they must do before screen time each day. We also exchange reading or outdoor time for screen time. I often create chores that they have to do together, too, which usually yields to them playing together (and not on a video game!)
- Lastly, we (as parents) play along with them! If you can’t beat them, join them! I prefer the oldies (Super Mario Bros. obviously) and my husband loves to play Madden (a football game) with my kids. We play and have so much fun… and then when the time is up, Mom and Dad just stop. And we stop without a fight, we put down the controller, and we walk away to the next thing. Modeling that behavior has really helped them understand that video games are just ONE activity, not the ONLY activity.
To learn more about how you can help stand up against video game companies, check out our partners at Hilliard Law. Here, you’ll see if you qualify to participate in the lawsuit and potentially be compensated. It’s an action that I took and has motivated to keep fighting the good fight against video game addiction.
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