It’s that time of year. School is winding down and temps are heating up.
Suns out, guns out and parents from all walks of life are blocking the light from the windows in an attempt to convince their sweaty, overtired little bundles of joy that it is in fact, night time and just because the sun is still shining it doesn’t mean that it’s time to be awake.
My husband is a teacher and I work part-time so we are fortunate enough to not have to tackle the summer camp matrix that so many parents wrestle with. To think of all of those poor parents spending hours fitting the weeks of camps together like a high stakes game of Tetris where if you misplace one piece, you will have to completely start over–it just breaks my heart. If these kids knew how hard we work for them to have a fun-filled summer they would probably wake up without a fight, get dressed in whatever we wanted them too and eat a healthy balanced breakfast without a fight before happily skipping off to Camp Agreeable Child! Am I right?
Summer rules! And yet I am struggling with the Summer Rules.
I live in a lovely little neighborhood with many school-age children. They all seem to get a long quite well and love playing with one another-which is fantastic. I am grateful every day for my community and the amazing families that I get to know as our children experience the joys of neighborhood living at it’s best: Bike-riding in the streets, neighborhood cookouts, lemonade stands. You can’t get better than that!
- Come Get Your Lemonade!
But how much freedom should I give?
Will the village really help me raise my child? Should I let my almost 7 year old walk down the block by herself to see if her friend is home? And what about my 4 year old? How does he fit into the scene? As my children grow, each season brings another set of parenting challenges and I’m always faced with a similar feeling:
“WTH am I doing?” I mean, it’s basically insane that I’m in charge of other humans lives, but whatever-I’ll go with it.
If I had to pick a parenting style (which I don’t, but if I did….) I guess I’m more “free-range” than “helicopter”, but with all the judging that accompanies raising children I find myself questioning my instincts around my parenting at times-for fear of what others will think. I mean, if I let my kid walk to her friends house a block away and something happens between here and there-she falls and scrapes her knee, she gets hit by an erratic driver, or worst case scenario, she gets abducted-will people blame me because I let her walk to her friends house? I can sit here and say with 100% confidence that I think that my daughter can handle the task of walking alone to a friends house a block away. I think she is responsible enough to make safe choices, do what she says she is going to do and come back and inform me about what is happening. But I can’t control accidents or other people’s actions. Will some “concerned citizen” call the police because my child is left unsupervised like what happened with the “Free Range Parents from Maryland?”
So how will I let this parental judgement and fear control my summer? Well frankly, I don’t think I will. My plan is to put boundaries in place around summer. Rules the kids will understand and can recite back to me–and I trust that my kids will follow the rules.
We already have a few:
1. I need to know where you are. Are you in the woods, inside someone else’s house, or running yard to yard?
2. If you have not given me this information and I call your name from our yard, you need to be able to hear me.
3. When I say it’s time to come inside. you come. No arguments.
Sometimes fear takes over my brain and thoughts that my children will be harmed bubble up and take over my body. If I see an ambulance or a fire truck drive by when I’m not with my kids, I may start to think that they must be going to rescue my sweet little babies and I’m not there to save them. Then, I take a deep breath (or 7) and tell myself that these fears are irrational and have no basis.
I refuse to have my parenting driven by fear.
We will have a fun-filled summer! My children will be happy and safe and maybe, just maybe, my husband and I will be able to get a few house projects done with a little help from the village.
