In an interview with David Letterman, Johnny Depp commented that taking care of children was like taking care of tiny drunks.
Here is a top ten list of reasons Johnny was 100% correct.
10. They puke all over everything! It’s true, especially if you are blessed with a child with reflux as I was the first time around. Some days I felt like he resembled more Jeff Goldbloom from “The Fly” than my sweet child.
9. You have to stop them from giving themselves concussions! I joke all the time that I wish I could keep my kids in kid sized hamster balls. I take my eyes off my son for a second and there are days I feel like he has a death wish. I can’t even count the number of times we’ve been walking down the street and I have to pull him out of the way of a stop sign pole he’s about to run headlong into.
8. They put things in their mouths that have no business being there! Bottle caps, paper clips, remotes, you name it, it’s going in.
7. They pee and poop themselves without shame.
6. They party all night and sleep all day.
5. They’re late for everything! I.e. they make you late for everything that includes them.
4. Although they have working legs, at times, they refuse to use them.
3. They will lay sprawled out on the floor half naked screaming at you for no discernible reason what so ever.
2. Their hand/eye coordination is a joke.
And the number 1 reason your kids are like your drunk college roommate?
[…] Children also make terrible roommates because they leave their possessions all over the house. Small, hard items, such as blocks or toy cars are usually found by a parent’s bare foot, often in the middle of the night. If anyone wants to use a sofa, chair, or table in my house, they must first move a giant pile of child debris. Not surprisingly, these same messy children often seem to have lost toys. Invariably, they accuse each other or me of taking them. Socks also seem to disappear with alarming frequency. I often find them in the sofa, under a bed, or somewhere even more random, like inside a dollhouse. The unpaired sock pile is growing into a mountain these days. Once, my children left their sidewalk chalk out in the rain and were shocked when it all melted away. […]