Let’s face it, parenting is filled with horribly embarrassing times when you wish you could be anywhere but with your kid.
Not to say we don’t love the little guys, but sometimes they can be quite the handful. Especially when they’re embarrassing the stuffing out of us. I’m sure we’ve all seen the video of the professor whose kids burst in while he was on the news in a live broadcast and his poor wife desperately tried to get them out of the office.
Well, here are several times in my own parenting journey when my daughter made me want to disappear:
The temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums
We’re in Walmart with my mom, and the little one decides she’s had enough of life. She’s about three at the time and just barely able to articulate what she wants– even less so when she’s upset. I try all the basic tantrum avoidance techniques: “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying? Take a breath… Do you need to go potty? Are you hungry?” When these don’t work, I decide we’ll take a trip to the restroom and figure it out without blocking the aisle and causing a ruckus. I scoop her up and I swear she turns into a crazed ninja with seventeen arms. I’m getting whacked in the face, kicked in the stomach and the backside at the same time, and her screams keep getting louder.
“Alright, I’ve had enough! We’re going out to the car!” I leave Grandma in charge of checking out and put the child in lock-down (slung over the shoulder, butt in the air, legs held down to avoid the kicking) and we depart the store. I place her oh so gently into her car seat, shut the door very carefully and then scream at the top of my lungs in the parking lot. As I look up, I see a very attractive young man staring at me with his mouth open. Awesome.
Pretty much anytime my daughter wet herself in public while we were potty training (and even after), I felt like I wanted to just magically vanish and pretend that nothing ever happened. “…Sweetie, you’ve got to be more careful with your apple juice… Let me just wipe that up with my pocket-sized bleach wipes…”
Oh, and… pregnancy. Every single time you sneeze, cough, or laugh, a little pee sneaks its way out of your bladder. To top it off, my little one decided it would be fun to just sit on my bladder for the last 3 months of my pregnancy. My “friends” thought it was fun to get me laughing at this point. Once, I just straight out wet myself in the mall, which I played off as my water breaking, even though I was only about 7 months along at the time… Talk about mortification… Thanks, guys.
I take my little one to my college classes a few weeks ago during her school break. She’s seven and loves being “an adult” by raising her hand, answering questions, and pretending to take notes. We have a great day until I introduce her to one of my professors. They’re chatting about his kids and he shows her a picture of them and she asks, “Do you have a wife?” “Uhh, nope.” “Are your kids adopted?” (we are talking about non-traditional families at home right now) “No, I had a wife and we had our kids, but we’re not together anymore.” “Oh.” She thinks. “Do you think your wife and you will get back together?” I die.
This is to be expected– every kid overshares. We had a whopper the other day, though. I’ve recently started to go back to the gym due to my high blood pressure. As a result, I’ve been slowly getting rid of the baby belly I’ve been hefting around for the past seven years. So, she announces to her class, “I’m really sad that my mommy is losing her fat belly because when we’re in the shower together I like to smack it and watch it jiggle.” Amazing.
Yeah, she passed gas in the mall the other day and didn’t stop laughing and re-enacting it for about a half hour…
She also has decided to be the “toot-noise” enthusiast of the neighborhood, holding jam sessions with the innocent little 5-year-olds next door. “Sorry that my precious little princess is corrupting your children… my bad.”
Think only us normal people have moments like this? Check out these famous parents’ painfully embarrassing moments!
I wish I could say that all the wonderful, touching, sentimental moments in your child’s life will far outweigh the mortifying embarrassment they will cause, but no, I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law will never forget the moment her youngest told his father’s co-worker exactly what my father-in-law said about him in moments of pure frustration. (Let’s just say it wasn’t G-rated…).
But on the plus side, we get to turn the tables on them when they become teenagers...
I plan on saving this gem until her first date…. Muwahahaha!