Chores for Children

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Teaching your children to do household chores is a great way to build family relationships, communicate our values and impart life skills. Over time, teaching your children to care for others, for their home environment, and for themselves will be worth all the extra effort this entails. Here are some thoughts and strategies I’ve gathered during my years as a mother, a Waldorf teacher and a Simplicity Parenting Coach.

Strong relationships are essential to the health of our families. One way these family bonds develop is through doing things together – when we’re not distracted by our own electronic devices or other things.

When a child works with us in service to our family, he sees himself as an essential part of the household.

He knows we appreciate him. He feels part of something larger than himself. This sense of belonging will enhance his well-being now and in the future. Through work, a child learns to be responsible to himself and to others. His confidence grows. Eventually, he develops a work ethic.

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When we teach children to take care of home and family, we show them that this is something we value. The work we do with and for each other needs to be a non-negotiable part of family life. Be positive: do not convey the idea that this is drudgery. It’s actually part of the incredible privilege of having a place to live (however modest) and people who love us. Through the parents’ example, instruction, and the child’s own direct experience, she will learn to value the things we believe in.

When household tasks become an established part of a family’s daily and weekly rhythm, children are less likely to balk at doing them.

Work becomes one of the many things the family does together. For example, when dishes always get washed and put away right after dinner, that work becomes part of the flow of daily life. It also becomes a habit that will serve your child well over time. Everyone participates, and by doing so, learns to be responsible to others.

The earlier a child learns to do chores, the better.

Even a toddler is old enough to share in household tasks. Little children are so eager to do things and to imitate that joining in on work feels like play to them. Of course, little ones can only do the simplest of tasks: set the table, put toys away, fold washcloths. As children grow and develop various skills, their work at home should become ever more challenging and interesting: wash and vacuum the car, paint walls, iron clothes, prep meals. A child who’s been working at your side in the kitchen for years could well be able to plan and prepare a family meal by the time she’s twelve.

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Don’t expect perfection from your child while she’s just learning to do something.

Strive to do family chores at a time of day when you and your children are well rested and recently fed. Give yourself the advantage of being at your best.

Parents often ask if children should receive an allowance for helping out at home. While a modest allowance can be useful for teaching money management, it should not be connected to the regular work of helping the family. In the household, everyone helps out – not for financial gain, but because we genuinely care for our home and for each other. This love and attention are beyond financial measure. There will be other ways for a child to earn money.

Here are some strategies for teaching your child and ensuring harmonious chore times.

Envision

In your mind’s eye, see your child beginning and completing the task. Preview the various steps of this undertaking.

Start Small

Make the initial tasks simple. Be explicit about how to do the task. If your eleven-year-old has never done any chores, and you suspect she’ll resist the idea, have her do a tiny task. Let her prove to herself that she can accomplish some small aspect of preparing supper, for example. Humor and warm encouragement from you can go a long way.

Stay Close

You’re teaching. Don’t leave the child by himself to do the work on his own until you’re certain he knows how to do it independently. Stay beside him and continue to show him how the job should be done. Don’t do it for him – do it with him. Working together can be fun and will certainly show you a lot about who your child is.

Insist

Even though you’ve chosen an age-appropriate task, your child may begin to lose interest. Set an example of perseverance: “It’s dish-washing time now. We’ll move on to the next event when we’re finished.” Be sure your child knows what the goal is. Articulate for her how close she is to completing the task: “Only two more pots to wash and we’ll be ready for story time.” Be encouraging and resolve to see this through. For long term projects, like gardening, state a goal for each work session: “Today, we’ll weed the carrots and plant more lettuce.” Adding an element of fun or fantasy to any task can, in the words of Mary Poppins, make the job a game. Use your imagination.

Follow Through

In the beginning stages, it’s your job to ensure that the work is completed. Show your child how to evaluate what she’s done. Ask some leading questions: “Does this space look the way it should? Are tools and equipment (broom, mop, rags, shovels, etc.) cleaned and properly stored? Did we miss anything?” Eventually, she’ll learn to do the evaluation herself.

Celebrate Appropriately

Most of the time, a warm pat on the back and a verbal, concrete example of what went well is all the celebration and recognition needed: “You set the table with everything we need. That little vase of flowers you added is really cheery. Thank you for helping!” There’s no need to gush. Keep acknowledgment of your child’s effort in proportion to the task.

Doing chores with your child means slowing down and simplifying tasks. It can even mean letting go of some of your expectations. You’ll often feel you could be doing a job faster without your son’s help. However, your patience and perseverance will truly be worth the effort. Years from now, when your grown son shows you how well he cares for others, you’ll be glad you took the time to teach him how to do that.

 

Written by Anne Shapiro

unnamed-1Anne Shapiro is a retired Waldorf school class teacher, the mother of three grown daughters, and a Simplicity Parenting Coach. She loves working with parents helping them to simplify daily life with their families. Anne leads the Creative Tuesdays program at the Fletcher Free Library in Burlington. Sewing and gardening are among the household chores she’s always happy to do. Anne lives in Burlington with her husband Robert and their aging cat.

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