Walking Away


Daycare provides my boys with fun activities and stimulation while I’m working.  And most days when I feel guilty about leaving them and walking out of the door to a desk where I can sit and drink a hot cup of coffee, it usually takes a quick look at my daycare’s blog post with a picture of my boys smiling away to make me feel better.

declan at daycare    aedan and bubbles

(Above: Declan thrilled to have some water play and Aedan screeching in delight trying to catch bubbles)

But not always.

Some days it is really hard to walk out of that door.  Other days, it’s even harder to walk back into the door for pick up.  If you’re really lucky, both things can even happen on the same day!

Yesterday was one of those hard days.

Most mornings are a bit stressful.  As with all two working households,  everyone is trying to get ready and out the door in time to make it to work.  You make it to daycare feeling accomplished.  Then you hit another obstacle: a crying, screaming child that is calling out for you like he will never see you again when you step outside those daycare gates.  He screams, “I neeeeeed mama!!!” Tears are streaming down his face.  You know what I’m talking about.

You try to just keep walking out the door with your back to him, feeling as if you’ve betrayed him.  Don’t turn around, don’t make it worse, you tell yourself.  It’s silly.  You know it is.  He’s being a typical toddler and is actually fine within five minutes of you leaving.  But you still can’t help feeling like a selfish, horrible mom who leaves her child to go to work.  How could you just walk away from your child while he is begging you to stay?  Well, you just have to. Sometimes you just have to.

So you go to work and survive the morning.  You leave work and try to get to daycare before your pick up time.  You’re early.  Yay!

Then you see your child and you hit yet another obstacle.  This time it’s mental.  He’s one of the last children to be picked up.  But you were early!  There he is.  Playing quietly.  All his daycare friends have left for the day.  Ouch.  This hurts your heart.  I’m not even really sure why but there is something difficult about your child being one of the last ones to be picked up at the end of the day.

It’s days like these that are the hardest for working moms.  It’s days like these that make all working moms wonder if it’s really worth it.

Thankfully, there are more happy days then days like this, and so it is okay.  You’ll survive it.

But man o man working moms, aren’t these days just the worst?

Aedan & Declan swinging

(my two boys showing brotherly love at daycare)



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