My son, Emmet has recently started a new preschool program.
On the first day as I walked him in, I found myself telling the teacher a thing or twenty-five about Emmet while he played and became comfortable with his surroundings.
“He’s really funny, but enjoys using the words butt and fart for a lot of his humor. And he has a bit of a temper-We’re working on that. He plays well with Drew, but they would prefer no adult supervision and then will likely start to be rather naughty…”
Emmet interrupts-”Hey Mom, don’t forget to tell her how strong I am.” (Holds up muscles.)
“Ok Em,” I reply. I turn to the teacher, smirking “he’s really strong.” I try and return to the conversation.
“No mom, I’m, like, the strongest. Stronger than strong.” (Holds muscles up higher.)
Obviously, I was missing all of the most important traits of my son. So here it is Emmet-My introduction of you, as you would like it to be told. Teacher, listen up!
Good morning unsuspecting preschool teacher I’d like to introduce you to my son. First of all, you should know that he is incredibly strong. Like, the strongest. Let him show you the power of his strength by lifting up this chair and throwing it onto the ground. Did it break? Not yet, don’t worry, it will eventually! While we are discussing his physical abilities, let me tell you about his dancing. The boy has got some sweet moves. He would be happy to dance for you if you play one of his favorite songs. He doesn’t really know the names, but if you play the one that goes “nah-nah nunu, na na na na,” that would be great. He loves that one.
Some other things you should know about Emmet is that sometimes he doesn’t like to wear underwear because it makes him wonder about Zombies. But only on some days. Some days he’s fine and doesn’t think about Zombies at all, unless he is being one, then he is absolutely thinking about Zombies, but not in a bad way. In a way where he is going to eat you so you better run, because he is really fast, especially when he is wearing fast shoes or fast shorts or pants (read: basketball shorts or warmup pants).
Emmet makes the best jokes.
For instance, “why did the butt cross the road? Because it was a butt butt.” Hilarious, right? If you don’t think it’s funny, he can tell it again, but with an increase in the word butt. Maybe we should tell him that he shouldn’t use the word “butt” in school, but I’m fairly certain that will only make the term more appealing. He is funny in lots of other ways too and says a ton of things that may stick with you for life-see above story about Zombies.
I know he is adorable. I mean, seriously, it’s a little ridiculous, but don’t let that fool you. He is actually a bad guy. He tells me all of the time. He is friends with Darth Vadar. Sometimes, he is Darth Vadar.
Sometimes Emmet gets hangry. He can identify this feeling so he might come at you whining, “I’m hangry!” This may follow an instance in which he has been displaying his “bad guy” tendencies by knocking down a tower a friend has made or by discontinuing his play in some other less than appropriate way. Sorry teacher, you should have realized he was about to get HANGRY!!
Emmet is a really incredible kid. Both of my kids are. I want you to know how great Emmet is so if he does something not so great you will remember his greatness. I’m sure you will, because you are a teacher and that’s one of the things teachers do really well. I will wait until you get to know him to talk more about his challenges and how we can both help him through those.
And Emmet, you were right, I should never forget to tell them how strong you were!
What would your kid want you to say about them?