Among all of the vitriol being spewed online and otherwise surrounding current immigration enforcement practices, there appears to be an overarching lack of empathy, and worse yet, of basic humanity. While some people justify this by saying, “They chose to come here,” there is little mention of the many children who were brought here, NOT of their own free will.
Now, many of those children are living in fear and experiencing new and ongoing trauma. Detained children deserve humanity. Detained children deserve compassion.
Regardless of how you feel about immigration (and deportation), I can tell you from experience, being detained for even a few hours will create lifelong trauma. Between the fear and anxiety of being detained and deported or having loved ones be detained or deported, many children are experiencing entirely avoidable trauma. These detained children deserve our empathy and support.
Even though many Americans believe they have nothing to fear in terms of detainment or deportation, you might be surprised. My all American-born family has experienced detainment, and it is something I would not wish on anyone.
I grew up in Vermont (and still live here), and my brother and I played hockey. This meant we frequently traveled into Canada to play in games or tournaments.
My mother passed away during the summer of 1997. With the help of our hockey family, my dad was able to continue to support our budding hockey careers. In the first season following my mom’s passing, my brother’s team had a tournament in Laval, Quebec. I was only 8 years old and chose to attend the tournament with my Dad and brother. We piled into the car with our overnight bags and my brother’s (smelly) hockey bag and hit the road to the Canadian hockey rink.
When we approached the booth at the border crossing, my brother and I quieted down in the back seat. My dad passed our documents to the border agent. After a few moments, the border agent instructed my dad to pull up and park in the space just past the booth. Then, we all needed to get out of the car. We did just that, entirely unaware of what was to come.
All of a sudden, we were surrounded by more agents, and my father, brother, and I were each taken to different spaces. The fear I felt was immediate and overwhelming. I had NO clue what was happening, and now, I was alone. Imagine detained children today, alone, in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar adults, separated from family. Hours passed, mostly spent by myself, in a nearly empty room. There were no toys to play with, no snacks offered, and even if there was a bathroom, I was far too scared to ask to use it.
At different points during my detainment, a border agent would come in and ask me questions. Among the questions was one I’ve never forgotten, “Is your mom ACTUALLY dead?” They also repeatedly asked me if the man I was with was really my dad, and if my brother and I were safe with him.
Eventually, my dad, brother, and I were reunited, and a short while later, we were allowed to continue our journey into Canada and to my brother’s game. (He missed most of that first game due to the delay.) It turned out, the border agents believed my dad was attempting to kidnap my brother and me.
Of course, my dad hadn’t brought my mother’s death certificate, because why would he? I’m not even sure he would’ve had it, given the timeline and circumstances of my mother’s passing. And we never could’ve imagined they wouldn’t believe she was truly dead.
Now, as an adult, I try to understand the border agents’ initial suspicion. But in the quest to verify the truth of our statements, they repeatedly asked young children incredibly traumatizing questions. This incident was only about 6 months after our mother had passed, and our grief was still very fresh. Additionally, being separated from my father (and brother) triggered my severe abandonment fears and further harmed my brother and me. I can’t fathom what these detained children who have been separated from their families for weeks and months must feel. It is heartbreaking.
While I recognize we have come a long way as a society in the last 27 years, the recent months feel like a step backward.
Compassion, empathy, and even basic humanity feel out of reach to the most vulnerable populations.
My dad didn’t do anything wrong. My brother and I didn’t do anything wrong. We are citizens. We had all our documentation. My mom was dead, and my dad was NOT kidnapping me. Yet we were still held for hours, in traumatic conditions, under the guise of security. The idea that we deserved it, or that this was necessary (in the way it was carried out), is wildly inaccurate.
There are humane, caring, and trauma-sensitive ways to engage with children, even detained children, and what happened then to my family and what is happening now, just wasn’t it. I wonder about the children who are currently being detained.
The added narrative that this sort of treatment is both ok and even necessary is patently false. All humans deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion.
I implore our society to dig deep and find empathy, if at the very least, for these detained children who did NOT choose to come here, yet are being subjected to harm most of us cannot even fathom. Even if you can’t go so far as to advocate for better treatment, better resources, more support, etc, please at least help end the harmful narrative that they somehow deserve this, or that they should have/could have done anything differently (as minors). These are CHILDREN, caught up in the consequences of a decision they had no part in making. Let’s do better as the adults of this nation to protect all children.
The following organizations work directly and indirectly to support detained children.
- The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services (RAICES)
- The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)
- The Young Center for Immigrant Children’s Rights
- Kids In Need of Defense (KIND)
- The Asylum Seeker Advocacy Project (ASAP)
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