“The BVTMB is getting real this week about a sometimes taboo, but important topic…S-E-X! Our team is sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly…and maybe the humorous and kinky too… about sex after kids in hopes that some of you can relate.”
When I say all of the time, he seriously believes that we were having sex every day (sometimes multiple times a day).
I agree we definitely were having sex more than we do now, but every day, ha, yeah right… or maybe just maybe, he’s right.
Finances, how to raise our child, or other common hot buttons aren’t really a common disagreement for us, but sex, or rather the lack of how much sex we have, is often the basis of most of our conversations. He feels that I am constantly turning him down and I feel that he has unrealistic expectations and forces me to turn him down. After full tiring days I shoot for twice a week, which most of the time I think is generous. He would prefer sex daily, or at least for it to be on the table.
A few months ago I read a blog post on one of our sister sites about a 30 day sex challenge.
Yes, that’s right, 30 straight days of sex.
The writer actually gave herself 34 days, banking 4 days, just in case something came up. For Christmas, I decided I would give it a shot and give it as one of my husband’s Christmas presents. I think I underestimated the loftiness of the goal. But hey, it was fun to try.
I could tell right away that he was excited but skeptical that I would really follow through with it. Let’s just say I have made promises in the past, like oral sex on a certain day etc., and when it came to it I was just too exhausted or the baby was hooked to my breast all night or something else came up.
We started off strong on Christmas night. Actually the next 5 days were great. Some nights we went to bed early just to make sure I wouldn’t be too tired.
On the fifth day, I was thinking, “this is wonderful, I can do this, maybe for forever, what was my problem?”
Then the sixth day came, baby was up all night, fussy all day, and I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open once I hit the pillow, I also may have had a glass or two of wine. Still I thought, “this is okay, I still have three more days as a buffer.”
A few days later the same thing happened but I still offered to have sex. My husband wasn’t into it because he knew I wouldn’t be. When he said we could pass tonight, I said, “no, I only have three more days, I can’t use half my days in the first week!”
I think that was the problem with this challenge at least for us. My husband enjoys me enjoying sex and if I can’t be into it, he isn’t going to be into it either.
Fast forward and I would say in 30 days we probably had sex 20-22 days (I stopped counting when I missed more than 5 days). When talking about doing this post with our team and I labeled myself as “failing,” everyone said that I hadn’t and I had done better than they would have. Thinking about it more, I realized I may not have completed the challenge as it was set out, but yesterday it occurred to me that it had been two days since we had sex and I felt like it had been too long. That’s a great change!
About half way through this experience my husband told me that because we were having sex so often, he wasn’t having to think about it and he was happier in general. I like that. I want him to be happy, and I want me to be happy too. There were a couple nights in those 30 days that I experienced amazing orgasms, I mean fantastic orgasms. We also spiced it up and had sex in a few different places than normal. Not a bad deal.
So moving forward, will we have sex every day? No. But will I try to initiate sex and make it more part of our routine, yes.
If you are thinking about doing the 30 day challenge, I say go for it. What can it hurt? Just have a broader definition of success than 30 straight days of sex, in case you are like me and realize that life happens and can get in the way.