It was a day I feared but never actually expected to come. My husband and I were both home despite it being a Monday. I nervously sat on the couch, fidgeting with my ring, and told my husband I saw blood in the bathroom. In my heart, I knew what was happening.
My pregnancy loss happened last fall. I have been through a long journey to heal after miscarriage that is nowhere near done. I’m sure each of us moms who have experienced a miscarriage has had a different journey.
I want to share the things that helped me heal after miscarriage because sharing is part of my journey and maybe the information will help someone else.
1. Take a Break
I took a break from work, exercise, and anything else I could pause. For a few days, I did only the basics like get out of bed, eat, and love my family. Having ample time for my body and mind to rest was key for me to heal after miscarriage.
2. Write in a Journal
I have always found writing my thoughts helps get them out of my head. Otherwise, I often repeat thoughts over and over. When I write, the repeating lessens or stops. I use either my journal or a random piece of paper.
3. Seek Therapy
I talked with family and some friends, which helped. I also realized I needed more. I needed a professional. I needed a place to talk, cry, and process without putting pressure on those closest to me. I didn’t want my learning to heal after miscarriage to be triggering to another person. Talk therapy isn’t new to me so utilizing this tool came easily for me.
4. Just Cry
I cried a lot, especially in the first week. I just couldn’t stop. Later, my crying became random and I let myself have those moments. I felt crying was the best way to self-regulate.
5. Look Forward to the Future
I’ve often heard it’s okay to visit the past but don’t stay too long. To distract from the pain, I tried to think of upcoming events or different aspects of life to look forward to. I needed to remember good things were coming. We all need that at times, don’t we?
6. Take it Day by Day
In the beginning, I just needed to take life in smaller steps. The big picture felt overwhelming so taking it day by day or hour by hour was what I needed. I was able to recognize my escalated anxiety and offered myself grace in return.
7. Research How Others Have Grieved
To heal after miscarriage, I needed to normalize my experience. I needed to know others had gone through this too. I needed to learn how others had healed from a pregnancy loss. I found articles, like this one, and social media posts to give me ideas that might work.
8. Listen to Music
While I was researching miscarriage grief, I came across a list of “miscarriage songs” on social media. I listened to many of the songs and cried.
9. Schedule a Date Night
Thankfully, we already had a date night scheduled three weeks after the miscarriage. I (we) needed time to reconnect. Our initial grieving was over and we needed joy as a distraction. We went bowling, ate dinner at a restaurant, and watched a movie at home. I loved having time for just the two of us.
10. Let Your Partner Grieve
Losing our baby was a loss for both of us; not just me. I may have had a physical experience but we both had an emotional experience. I let my husband grieve. His experience was different from mine. And more importantly, I let him grieve how he needed to grieve.
11. Get a Tattoo
Clearly, getting a tattoo is optional. I have a tattoo of our daughter’s birthdate. I plan to get our son’s birthdate tattooed as well. I haven’t done it yet in case we do have one more baby. When I do get my tattoo updated, I plan to add a tiny heart to represent our lost baby. A full date doesn’t make sense but ignoring my third pregnancy feels wrong to me.
I don’t know when I will be fully healed from this loss and I realize the journey is ongoing. Reflecting on and sharing my process to heal after miscarriage has already helped. I hope to help someone else who has had this same experience. If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, what did you do to heal? Please share.
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