As Moms we resolve to make positive changes in our lives with the dawn of each New Year, always seeking to improve ourselves, our relationships and better our family and circumstances. Somehow however, every year, ambitions are too high, stamina too low and the results disappointing. Here are some “simple” suggestions on how to succeed this year with the Top 5 “Mom Resolutions.”

#5 – This year, I resolve to get out more with friends and/or my husband.

Doesn’t this sound great? A night out on the town with your sweetheart or best girl friends? Every Mom I know would jump at the opportunity for some adult fun, out of the house, sans children. The problem with this resolution is that there are so many auxiliary concerns and responsibilities associated with even five minutes of freedom. From finding a responsible, reasonably-priced babysitter and preparing a meal and schedule for her to follow to finding something to wear (that at least sort of fits and isn’t severely stained), not to mention unearthing some hidden cash-flow not pre-allocated for diapers, pre-school tuition or endless “must-have” sports equipment – the challenges are real and short of cloning yourself, may seem insurmountable. No problem, just hire an Au Pair (in trade for you thrifty Moms), maintain an impeccable, written menu plan and schedule for said Au Pair to follow, and craft a thriving, successful Etsy shop to supplement your income and allow for such extravagances like “a night out.” Oh, and stick to places where yoga pants and “mom jeans” meet the dress code. No problem.

#4 – This year, I resolve to have more patience, yell less and spend more quality time with the kids.

No one wants to lose their patience and raise their voice with their kids (especially in public), but it happens, often when trying to enjoy the always coveted and often elusive “quality time.” Even with the best intentions, somehow the Kodak moments are often tainted with inappropriate comments, catastrophic messes, and whines of, “he hit me,” “I don’t want to,” or “what is that smell?” How do we rally past the Lego littered rooms, un-flushed toilets, constant bickering, and ungrateful half-eaten dinners to enjoy the simple pleasures of family life, in relative harmony? The answer is simple. Sedatives. Yes, wine counts.

#3 – This year, I resolve to learn to (fill in the blank).

Whether we want to learn to knit, dabble in welding, speak Cantonese or re-create that gorgeous scrapbook we’ve been admiring on Pinterest, lofty aspirations are good for the soul and keep artistic blood flowing in our veins. The problem is time, more specifically time for ourselves, which is not only a rarity, but in some states is punishable by obscene remorse and unmitigated “mommy-guilt.” How do we reconcile our personal needs for growth and expression while maintaining our roles as mother, spouse and general go-to gal? The answer is really simple, there is only one obstacle getting in our way, wasting our time, year after year. Sleep. Stop sleeping and your artistic dreams can be realized. Boom.

#2 – This year, I resolve to eat healthier.

We all want to provide our families with the best nutrition possible, and in a perfect world, we would all be preparing and serving organic balanced meals, complete with whole grains, grass-fed, free-ranged meats, and fresh local fruits and vegetables, all bought same day, farm to table (obviously). Oh, and all the little children would gobble this delicious food right up, so grateful for the nutritious, organic fare. But truth is that they are not grateful, and in fact, generally turn their noses up at quinoa, kale and fish, demanding macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, pizza and peanut butter and jelly. In order to succeed with this resolution and keep the peace, we should just make separate entrees for everyone, like a restaurant. We can spend hours making our delicious wholesome meal that no one else will eat and then make them what they want too. Don’t worry about the exorbitant grocery bill or lack of time, with your thriving Etsy shop and commitment to not sleeping, this should be a breeze.

#1 – This year, I resolve to exercise regularly and get fit.

Exercise and fitness top the resolution charts for everyone, especially Moms. Exercise not only burns calories from our less than perfect dietary choices and tones and strengthens muscles taxed by childbirth and rearing, it also provides us with endorphins, which make us happy! What a fantastic ancillary benefit from an already desirable resolution. Similar obstacles derail us from achieving this resolution, that pesky lack of time, money and energy. Having exhausted most of your supplemental Etsy funds, as well as any extra time gained by not sleeping and certainly being quite tired from all the sedatives, this resolution just might not be attainable, but the desired results may be. Since we are cooking restaurant-style, we are already eating healthier, so burning off unwanted calories is less of an issue. As for the toning and endorphins, the same effects can be attained with Photoshop and chocolate.

You’re Welcome and Happy New Year.