For many of us, when we spend our first days as Moms, we can’t help but fall madly in love with this new gift in our lives. This precious being that we have been ordained to care for. A creature so innocent and helpless. Their very survival depends on our ability to care for them. Our instincts to protect them are fierce, our undertaking serious. We will go to great lengths to make sure we limit their exposure to anything that could jeopardize their health or happiness, be it germs or distress.
As they grow from dependent little ones to independent children, we continue to safeguard them in many ways. When they ride in the car, they must always be secured in their seat, when they hop on their bike, we fasten their helmets. When we cross the street with them, we make sure we are holding their hands and we’ve looked both ways for cars. These are the things that we do to foster safety, and to make sure they get to grow up and have our grandchildren. When it comes to keeping them safe, most of us would agree that this is one of our top priorities as parents. I believe their guardianship is multi-faceted and I believe that it doesn’t end when they can put on their own helmet & know when it is safe to cross the street. A complex mix of physical security and a preservation of their innocence and individuality.
I knew from the start of my journey as a Mom that I would not be overly protective in the physical sense. I wanted my kids to play and tumble, with a few bumps along the way. I wanted them to be able to fall and have their moment of hurt but then get up and get back to play. I didn’t want us to dwell on the bruise, but to learn from it, and realize that boo-boos happen but that they are not the end of the world.
So I am the Mom that allows her kids to take risks.
I’m the Mom that loves seeing her daughters ski down the mountain or gallop by horseback across the open meadow. I am thrilled to have been able to put my teenage daughters on an airplane to Washington, D.C. all by themselves, to meet up with my brother’s family. I encourage my daughters to try new things, go on adventures.
While I consider myself a laid-back Mom in many respects, there is one issue where I certainly sit up and take notice, and that is the internet.
I have yet to give the independent travelers full access to everything and anything that they might be able to find online. They are 15 and 13 years old. This is not because I want to keep them from the information that is out there but because I want trusted adults to be their main source of the knowledge they need and are curious about.
- As long as I feel that the hurtful words of others could have a negative impact on their self-worth, I will continue to monitor their online time.
- As long as there are websites that my children can visit and be told cruel, vicious things, I will monitor them.
- As long as they could be unknowingly lured into a dangerous situation, as long as there are anonymous sites where children and teens can be told such heartless things as “why don’t you go kill yourself”, I will monitor them.
Although this is extremely hard to comprehend for most of us, it is the unfortunate reality of bringing up children in this time that we live in. I am raising my daughters with confidence and an extreme awareness of who they are and all that makes them special. It is my hope that they never feel crippled by the words of others, but this is not to say they never will, so I have also told them that those who lash out at others are usually hurting inside.
I feel it is not only my duty as a Mom to make sure my daughters wear a helmet while jumping their horse over a 2 foot rail, I feel it is my obligation to guard the very hearts they were born with.
Great! I notice the effects being online too much has on me, and I hope I can instill appropriate boundaries on my kids when the time comes. Thanks for talking about this.
Thanks Kate for your thoughts on this very pertinent subject. The internet can be so seductive to young ones. Although my son is only 6 it’s nice to hear what others are doing to protect their children.
Shannon, it’s certainly a subject I didn’t even think about when I first had my girls. You are so right about it drawing kids in. I really think doing spot checks on the home technology (phone, computer, etc) and keeping the expectations clear & the communication open (& often), is what enables the positive internet use at our house. Thanks for your response. I hope others can learn from my journey, including the mistakes I make.
Loved this Kate. I was watching a date line special awhile back and they were talking about how bullying isn’t what it used to be, in the sense that before technology, a kid may be bullied at school but then he could have some reprieve from it all at home. Home was a safe-haven for most. But now, the bullying follows a child wherever they go. It enters directly into their home and never ends. This is so frightening to me, along with the other many dangers of technology. It is such a double edged sword, but I so respect you wanting to protect your daughter’s hearts and souls!
Thank you, Nissa. I truly could go on & on about this subject. I so agree about home being a safe haven & that is jeopardized when so many people can interact with us at the touch of a button. Being able to discern what’s real & what is not, or at least not in our best interest, is a skill that’s developed over time & experience. It comes with maturity. Even as an adult I sometimes fail to recognize what I should be steering clear of. As I said, I could go on & on, but I just hope parents realize the importance of checking in with their children about internet safety. I would never want someone to be blindsided to the tragedies of cyber-bullying, not even realizing it exists. It does.