Embracing Femininity

I think most people would describe me as girly and I am ok with that.

I mean don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good muddy day on the four-wheeler, but I don’t think the first word people would describe me with is “tomboy”.  My favorite color is pink.  Yes, even at the age of 32, if your child asks me my favorite color I would say pink without hesitation.  I love almost everything that is generally associated with being girly.  I like glitter and anything sparkly.  I’m obsessed with shoes and handbags.  Growing up my favorite things to play with were Barbie and American Girl dolls.  I loved Disney princesses and still hope to grow up to be one.

You can imagine my excitement when I found out I was having a girl.

I immediately had plans to register for everything in pink.  I wanted a pink and gold nursery.  I couldn’t wait to pass down my American Girl doll to her and watch Disney movies.  I wanted to dress her in tutus and ridiculous dresses until she was old enough to make her own fashion decisions.  I had visions of my little toddler wearing a tutu and splashing through mud puddles.  I couldn’t wait to be a girl mom.

Then, as I think most pregnant women do, I started to Google everything about pregnancy and raising a girl.  Sure I am a girl and had a wonderful role model with my mother, but I was hesitant I would be able to live up to that and really know how to be a mom, let alone a mom to a girl who might look up to me as her role model.  As I started reading more and more articles and blog posts about raising girls, I was now terrified of having a girl.

Every article was about mothers not letting their girls watch Disney or play with Barbies or anything princess related because it was undermining females and our roles in society.  They refused to buy anything pink or with glitter because they didn’t want their daughters to be forced into the stereotype of girls having to like pink.

Suddenly I wondered if I was going to ruin my daughter with my “girly” ways.

Was I going to be an acceptable role model or end up forcing her to be girly? I thought about my childhood and my interests growing up. I played with Barbies and since my sister and I only had one Ken doll, she was usually a single successful CEO of a fashion company. I grew up wanting to be Ariel.  I don’t think either of these held me back from being a successful woman. I worked hard to get where I am and I am proud of what I’ve accomplished. Why do we have to associate strong women with not being girly?

Can it get overwhelming that the majority of clothes and toys marketed towards girls are pink?  Sure, I wouldn’t disagree with that at all.

I can certainly understand not forcing a color on a gender (not all “girl” toys need to be pink, girls can play with regular colored Legos too) but if we’re going to say we can’t tell boys they don’t like pink, why can we tell girls not to?  If a boy wants to play dress up with princess gowns we praise his parents for being so open and non-judgmental, but if a girl wants to, we are letting her conform to society’s views of what a girl should be doing and holding her back from her full potential as a woman.  By trying to get her to hate a color because of the stigma that comes along with it from society, am I just reinforcing that stigma?  If we want society to accept that girls don’t have to be “girly” in the stereotype,  or that boys can be more feminine, then can’t we also accept that sometimes girls want to be feminine?

I want my daughter to know she has options to be who she wants to be.  She can embrace her femininity and still like whatever she wants.   She can be a girl who likes soccer, just like there are boys who like soccer.  She can be a girl who likes ballet, just like there are boys who like ballet.  She can be powerful in heels or powerful in sneakers  She is a person who has interests and hobbies, who can find a certain fashion style of her own, who can like any color she wants.  Her gender doesn’t have to define what she likes, but she shouldn’t be ashamed if she does fall into the category of “girly girl”.

I hope I can create an environment where my daughter feels comfortable to be herself. I want her to know she can like pink or she can hate anything that resembles pink and still be a successful and strong women.

What struggles have you faced raising girls?  Do you ever feel pressure to not let them be too girly?