What if my daughter can’t play team sports?

A while back I told you about my daughter who has been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. I talked about how this doesn’t define her. It does, however, impact things she can and wants to do.

When I was a kid, I didn’t play in any rec program sports until I was in 6^th grade. I went to private school and wasn’t really involved in the community, plus my mom didn’t think sports were necessary to define you as a person, so it wasn’t high on the priority list. I don’t disagree with her thinking, but I do think sports help you learn some of the foundations of teamwork and winning versus losing. Not playing, I think, greatly impacted my ability in sports later on. It wasn’t that I wasn’t athletic, per say, it was more that I missed the formative years of learning all of the ins and outs and was trying to do it at a much older age, so I just wasn’t very good. That caused me to have a different take on sports with my kids. I wanted to sign my daughter up for everything.

The first group activity outside of daycare, I think she was 2, nearly 3, and it was dance class. I figured it was harmless. She loves to dance and clearly had plenty of energy, so it seemed like a great fit. I truly never thought anything could go wrong.

The dance studio we chose had closed circuit television so you could watch your child in the class without being distracting by watching outside. I was so excited because I hated the thought that I would miss A doing all of these amazing dance moves. As it turns out, I wouldn’t have missed much without that TV….

There were times where I’d sit there and revel in how well she was doing; thinking it was so cute she was listening to every word and doing exactly as they were saying. Then there were times where I’d be so frustrated watching her, literally, dancing to the beat of her own drummer. She didn’t listen to what the instructor was saying and was doing her own thing entirely. She wouldn’t listen. She couldn’t listen.

It didn’t take long for us to swear off group classes. We tried dance, then a bit later we tried gymnastics. Same thing happened. A ends up being disruptive for the whole class and of course we hear about it from the instructor. We couldn’t hide our disappointment. I suppose it didn’t matter if we could hide it or not, though, because A didn’t ever seem to see it. Seemingly, she didn’t care. Now, to say a 4 year old doesn’t care seems a bit harsh, but as a parent in the thick of the situation, that’s exactly how it looked.

We tried swimming lessons with a bit more success, which was very encouraging, but it was a smaller group and she still had days where we weren’t sure why we tried. There was one day where she even half-heartedly jumped (except she was still sitting) off the edge of the pool and went straight down to the bottom because she simply wasn’t paying attention. This was fairly early on, so she wasn’t aware enough to tread water or kick herself back towards the surface. Luckily, my quick-thinking husband reached right down, grabbed her, and yanked her up.

Fast forward a couple years and she was in Kindergarten. It was fall, which means soccer! Kindergartners could only play soccer in our town if one of their parents agreed to coach. We didn’t know that at first, but figured we were going to be there anyway, so whatever. I’m not even sure we made it through the first practice without a tantrum. It was a bit disorganized which did make things challenging for a child that needs structure, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but notice all of the other kids just going with the flow and having fun.

Then, there’s my child standing in the middle of the soccer field crying and carrying on. Always fun to be the parent of THAT child.

I found myself walking this fine line between finishing things you sign up for, which I firmly believe in (thanks mom!) and realizing that I had signed her up. She didn’t do it herself. She didn’t ask me to. And if she was just going to throw a tantrum each and every time we were there (and oh did she!), what purpose did it serve? She wasn’t learning anything and I really felt it was just detracting from the fun for the other kids. We ended up calling it quits. I gave her the option and explained that she wouldn’t be able to get the end of season reward given by the team if she didn’t finish. She didn’t care and I did stand by my threat; she still doesn’t have those rainbow soccer socks given at the last game!

I have a friend who believes her children should play a sport every season. It’s something she grew up doing and it’s very important to her. I applaud her. I think it’s great! I wish we could do it too. Something I’ve had to come to terms with is that A just isn’t cut out for team sports. Or maybe she isn’t cut out for them yet, I’m not sure. It’s caused me to really examine what I think is important about those activities and how else she can get those experiences. I can’t say I’ve figured it out yet….

We’re trying skiing. I’d say it’s working out okay so far. I was hoping to have her try softball this spring (let’s call me a glutton for punishment) as it’s near the end of first grade, so it’s been a while since we’ve tried the team thing, but she isn’t interested and I guess I have to be okay with that.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not disappointed that I don’t have to figure out dinner on the fly 2 nights a week, sit and think about all of the things I should be doing at home while watching her practice, and hear all about how I never let her play on the playground when she’s done, but I’m going to be jealous when those pictures of kids start showing up on Facebook in their little ball caps with their gloves knowing that that’s probably never going to be my daughter.

What have you signed your child up for, desperately hoping they’d love it, only to have them show you who’s really in charge of what they like?