The Mom Olympics

The 2016 summer Olympics in Brazil are just around the corner and I am super excited!

I love the Olympics, both winter and summer.  For the last winter Olympics we didn’t yet have access to our television, but my husband moved quickly to set up our antennae so I could watch as much downhill skiing, half pipe, and ice skating as I could.  This time around we are all good to go, and although it is still a few months away I am already looking forward to it.

I have also decided that the International Olympic Committee needs to add a new category to the sporting line-up:  The Mom Olympics.

As I go through my day to day life, whether it is during the school year and I am a full-time working mama or over the summer when I switch to being a full-time stay at home mama, I marvel at the events that take place around my house daily.  We moms are subject to a myriad of athletic endeavors during our days and nights.  Because of this I present to you, the events of The Mom Olympics:

1.  Speed and Agility:  How fast can you change a diaper on a child that is mimicking an octopus, flipping and grabbing anything within his reach?  This event includes removing and replacing a soiled diaper while keeping baby’s hands and feet out of the way, and before baby pees all over himself, the wall, and you, causing you to change your outfit once again.  Up to two toys will be allowed, and can be used in any way fit for optimal distraction.  Singing and animal noises are also encouraged, and will garner extra points.
2. Wrestling:  This event judges how quickly and easily you are able to dress your child.  To qualify for a medal you must be able to put on all articles of clothing facing in the right direction, with minimal bodily injuries, and before your child does that one-foot-in-a-pant-leg-pull-it-back-out-thing that they are oh so fond of doing.
3. The Midnight Run:  It’s the middle of the night and your infant wakes up screaming.  Since she shares a room with her older brother, you must get yourself out of bed and hurdle over the 14 things in the hallway towards your howling baby before she wakes up your older child.  Style points will be removed if any toys, pets, or articles of clothing are kicked and/or tripped over.  Disqualification will be administered if you wake the older child yourself by cursing and screaming in agony over the pile of legos you just stepped on.
4. Weight Lifting:  It’s the end of the day and you need to make dinner, and all your child wants to do is be held by you and only you.  The rest of your family (including yourself) are wildly hungry, and you need to make a dinner that will satisfy everyone in your family including a vegetarian, a meat eater, and a child who decided that since it is March she will no longer be eating any foods that are the color orange.  You must make the entire meal while holding your 20-pound child in one arm.  Switching arms will be allowed.
5. The Triathlon – Dressed, Fed, and Out the Door  – Oh the mornings of getting children off to child care, school, or just plain anywhere!  This event is timed and bonus points are earned if you are able to keep your voice at under 80 decibels.
6. Curling:  This event measures how dexterous you are at finger curling and removing objects from your toddlers mouth, without being bit.

Though the results really don’t matter, as long as our children are clothed, fed, and happy at the end of the day we have all pretty much won.

Although if The Mom Olympics were to ever really happen, I propose that they are held in Hawaii.  At a spa.